Here it is 2010, and I feel like the last decade went by in a flash. I have been pondering, how do I want to start this new year and new decade? What is really worth writing about here? The world seems to be in more disarray than ever, yet I feel a growing hope in my heart. That hope is that God really, truly loves me and I'm hopeful that people will begin to understand this on a deeper level for themselves even as the days grow darker around us.
I feel a bit like a climber on Mt. Everest with gale force winds trying to blow me backwards, but the summit is just within my reach. The "summit" for me is knowing once and for all, and having it settled in my heart, that HE loves ME. No matter what difficulties or storms the enemy throws my way, HE will never leave me. He is not angry with me, or pushing me to perform, or dangling duty out in front of me like a carrot. He just LOVES ME. Pure and simple, love. Not what our culture passes off as "love", but something pure, true, and trust worthy. There is nothing to fear. He is not manipulative or selfish or any of those things that He is often subtly (or not so subtly) portrayed as.
I just started reading a book called "The Misunderstood God" by Darin Hufford. I have been listening to his podcasts on the Free Believers Network for some time -- I know he's quite controversial to some people. I'm getting alot out of what he has to say. In this book he is simply examining the revelation that GOD IS LOVE. Words fail me, I feel like I am drinking a glass of cold water on a hot summer day as I read this book. There is so much to say here...but for now I will simply share with you some thoughts on a blog Darrin posted called "Marrying yourself to the idea that God is love". In it he discussed the confusion and fear many Christians have when reading the Old Testament -- we like the New Testament God much better. But, He is one and the same God and He hasn't changed. The Old Testament is a revelation of sin which is the beast that has been after God's kids ever since the garden of Eden. God isn't angry at his kids, His anger is at sin. Grace and love and forgiveness are what He has for us. PERIOD. Not He loves you, but...He Just loves you!!!! If you want to read his blog post it is at http//freebelievers.com .
Today at the gym I was listening to U2's album "The Joshua Tree", a favorite from high school/college days. The song "Running to Stand Still" reminds me alot of myself and how I used to be. In high school I was a good little Christian girl and as my friend's mother once correctly described me, I was a "stuffed shirt". I was also 100% full of fear, mostly of God. There was so much brewing beneath the surface, but I had learned not to rock the boat. I thought if I messed up he would get me good. I had received Jesus as my savior and heard over and over that he loved me, but I didn't believe it. I just didn't want to go to hell. One of the lines in the song says "she is raging and a storm blows up in her eyes...she's running to stand still" -- that was me when I went to college. I did everything that I knew I shouldn't and began acting out of anger and rebellion. This was followed by wanting to know God and to follow Him and I had a very real encounter with Jesus that started me on my way back to His heart. On the way there, however, guilt and shame tried to blow me off course. That is when performance, perfection, and drivenness got a strong hold as I tried once again to be a "good Christian" and aim for perfection because Jesus was perfect (perfect set up for a nervous breakdown, maybe?!). Let me say here that while I believe I have been in a great church for 15 years, religion once again clouded my view of God. About six years ago I cried out to God and told him I needed to know that He loved me, I couldn't play church any more, and he needed to remove whatever it was inside of me that was blocking the truth. Well, it's been an awesome roller coaster ride ever since! And now here I am, about to summit the mountain. HE LOVES ME AND NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT!!! Woo hoo! THIS is freedom...
This affects everything: How I view myself, the world, my relationships. Simple, yet utterly powerful.
One of my kids gets very stressed about reading the Bible before Sunday school because she thinks she will get in trouble with one of her teachers if she doesn't. This kind of thinking pushes people away from God! I know this dear teacher is doing the best he knows to do, as so many are, to present the God he knows to the kids. However, I don't think he understands yet that God loves HIM and isn't requiring him to jump through hoops either. So, I continue to tell my daughter that God loves her no matter what and He isn't angry with her for not reading the Bible. In time, if she can get hold of that she will WANT to read it. He loves us with a passion we can't even imagine! Why should we interpret that as religious duty? There is no comparison between the two! Religion is damaging and detracts from the relationship He is longing to have with each of us. No guilt here, just love!
This, to me, is the most important thing for 2010. Inside His love is the safest, strongest place to be no matter what comes.
Ephesians 3: 17-19 (?)
And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in Him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love; And may you be able to feel and understand...how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God Himself.
7 comments:
Hey girl, thanks for sharing. I struggle with that idea that God loves me no matter what... I am so not worthy. Love ya babe:)
Something that helped me realize that it's not about worthiness is the truth that I am not my sin. I think it's really easy to see our own sin and think "that's who I am, therefore I'm unlovable" but it's not true! Reading Romans 7 (over and over) helped me with that alot. Paul said it's not me that does these things, but the sin that lives within me. He was secure in the Father's love yet he acknowledged that he didn't do everything "right". The enemy's weapon is sin, and God defeated it with love as seen in Jesus death on the cross. Another "picture" I got from a different book is this: imagine a stampeding horse is bearing down on you and Jesus pushes you out of the way and is trampled instead. It has nothing to do with worthiness. It is a sacrificial rescue born of love, pure and simple. You ARE a beloved daughter of the ultimate Daddy! Thanks for your feed back, Dedra! xoxo
REALLY related to this post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I'm sure I will read it more than once! You truly present an important lesson, & one that I, too, struggle with on a regular basis.
Hey beach momma -- glad you could get something from my ramblings :-)
I know this is a huge issue, and I can barely do it justice in a brief post. But I do know God is drawing us close to Himself in love, not fear. We have an enemy who doesn't want us to get that!
Steph, like Beach Momma, I read this more than once too! I had more patience to reflect today than the first time I read it.
When I was about 18, I was a counselor at a teen retreat and was chosen to give a talk on "God is Love". My home life was in turmoil at the time - my parents on the edge of divorce because of my father's alcoholism. What an amazing growth lesson the talk was for me, though. It pointed me to relevant passages and I realized not only that God loved me but that he was blessing me with so much love. I learned how to be loved, which up until that point I was always fighting against it. Even though I strayed from religion for a while I always had that in my heart and I always will. I have the Corinthians verse on my living room wall now. This will always be my favorite passage.
She -- thanks for sharing to personally. Once we realize it's about his love and not about how together we are, life begins to open up!
meant to say "so" personally, not to... :)
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